Self-Perception: The Way We See Ourselves

How we see ourselves shapes everything; how we love, how we cope, how we show up, and even how we dream. Our sense of “who I am” is built over time from thousands of moments, messages, and memories. Some are empowering. Others, not so much. 

In therapy, one of the most transformative journeys a person can take is learning to see themselves more clearly and kindly. Self-perception is not about perfection or control; it is about awareness, compassion, and courage. Let’s explore what it means to truly know yourself and how to shift the lens when it becomes distorted. 

Identity and Self Concept: The Stories That Build “Who I Am” 

Our sense of self forms from a blend of identity, roles, and experiences. From childhood onward, we absorb cues about who we are, what earns approval, what brings shame, what love looks like, and what safety costs. Over time, these fragments weave together into an inner story: I am the helper. I am too sensitive. I am the strong one. I am not enough. 

But these stories are not set in stone. They are living, breathing narratives that can evolve. Therapy often becomes the space where people gently pull those threads apart and ask, “Who taught me this story about myself? Does it still serve me?” Rediscovering your own voice beneath layers of expectation and self-judgment can be both tender and freeing. 

Identity work invites us to look beyond the surface of labels or roles to understand how each part of who we are has shaped our sense of worth and belonging. When you begin to see yourself through a lens of curiosity instead of criticism, you start to reclaim authorship over your own narrative. 

The Inner Critic and the Compassionate Self 

We all have an inner voice. Sometimes it cheers us on, and other times it tears us down. The inner critic often speaks in the language of fear and perfectionism. It says, “You should be doing more,” or “You’re not good enough.” It thrives on comparison and shame, convinced that judgment will somehow protect us from failure or rejection. But compassion offers a different kind of protection, one rooted in truth instead of fear. The compassionate self reminds us that mistakes do not define worth, and rest is not failure. It gives us permission to be human. 

In therapy, this shift is profound. It is not about silencing the inner critic completely but about softening its hold, creating enough space for kindness to coexist with accountability. When compassion begins to shape your inner dialogue, growth feels less like a battle and more like a return to self.

Recent research shows the importance of this shift. A meta-analysis of compassion-focused therapy found that cultivating self-compassion actively decreases self-criticism and increases self-soothing capacity (PubMed, 2022). Another recent study found that self-criticism is strongly tied to emotional regulation difficulties, while self-compassion serves as a buffer against depressive symptoms (Springer, 2024). 

Blind Spots and Self-Awareness 

There is how we see ourselves, and then there is how others see us, and often the truth lives somewhere in between. Blind spots are not flaws but parts of ourselves we have not yet learned to see clearly. Maybe you see yourself as quiet, but others experience you as calming and grounded. Maybe you think you come across as too much, while others see you as deeply passionate. 

Becoming aware of these blind spots takes openness and humility. It means being willing to listen without defense, to hold space for multiple perspectives of who you are. The beauty of this process is that it expands self-understanding. Sometimes it reveals hidden strengths, and other times it helps us notice patterns we are ready to change. Either way, self-awareness deepens our connection to others and brings us closer to the truth of who we are becoming. 

Research on the “bias blind spot” shows that people often recognize bias in others but struggle to see it in themselves, a phenomenon that can affect relationships and self-knowledge (APS, 2023). Recent findings also explore how introspection bias and conversational context influence this self blindness (Cambridge, 2023). 

Why Shifting Self Perception Matters 

Changing how you see yourself is not a surface adjustment; it is a deep act of healing. So many of us move through life shaped by outdated versions of who we were told to be. We carry voices that were never our own, standards we did not set, and stories written in moments of pain or fear. Shifting self-perception is about rewriting those stories with compassion and clarity. 

When you begin to see yourself fully (strengths, flaws, contradictions, and all), something remarkable happens. You stop performing for approval and start showing up authentically. Relationships become more honest. Boundaries become acts of care instead of defense. Self-compassion replaces shame as the driving force for growth. 

In therapy, this work allows people to see beyond the protective identities they have worn for survival. It reconnects them with softness, creativity, and a sense of worth that does not depend on achievement or perfection. Self-perception work is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering who you were before the world told you otherwise. 

Mindfulness practices that enhance present moment awareness are also shown to reduce self-objectification and improve meaning in life, highlighting how changing perception supports both emotional and existential well-being (Springer, 2025).

Final Reflection 

You are not the sum of your past mistakes, your doubts, or the harsh words you whisper to yourself. You are a collection of stories, strengths, and possibilities that keep unfolding. Seeing yourself clearly means seeing your whole self, the light, the shadow, and the quiet resilience in between. 

The journey of self-perception is not about finding perfection. It is about learning to meet yourself where you are and recognizing that you have always been worthy of your own kindness. 

Thank you so much for reading all the way through! If this blog spoke to you and you are looking for a therapist, my contact information is below:

Read more about me on my website!

Phone: 936-205-1870

Email: kalinewwavecounseling@gmail.com

Instagram: @roguesoultherapy

References 

● Hagan, W. S., Mericle, S., & Hunt, B. J. (2021). Qualitative patient experiences from the Self Blame and Perspective Taking Intervention for eating disorders. Journal of Eating Disorders, 9, 127. 

● Pronin, E., & Hazel, L. (2023). Humans’ bias blind spot and its societal significance. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 32(5), 402 409. 

● Mandel, D. R., Collins, R. N., Walker, A. C., Fugelsang, J. A., & Risko, E. F. (2023). Hypothesised drivers of the bias blind spot: cognitive sophistication, introspection bias, and conversational processes. Judgment and Decision Making. 

● Vieira, J., et al. (2024). From self criticism to self compassion: exploring the mediating role of two emotion dysregulation variables in their relationship to depressive symptoms. Current Psychology, 43, 26539 26547. 

● Cheli, M., et al. (2022). Embracing the complexity of our inner worlds: understanding the dynamics of self compassion and self criticism. Mindfulness, 13, 1652 1661. ● Anonymous. (2021). Effectiveness of reminiscence therapy on self health perception and self esteem among elderly residing at selected old age homes. Journal of Pharmaceutical Research International, 33(46A), 348 355.