"I Survived Cancer. Then I Lost My Job.": An Attachment Perspective on Job Loss (Q&A)

For this week’s blog, I am publishing the transcript from an interview of a good friend who wishes to remain anonymous. To respect his privacy, I will be referring to him as “Kevin”.  

Being in Kevin’s life as his friend and watching the many twists and turns that he has experienced surviving working in tech, I have always been captivated not only by the many blows he took being laid off twice by big tech conglomerates but also his endless resilience and unbreakable spirit. 

For context, he moved from his home state to Austin in 2017 to work at a very large tech company before eventually getting laid off by them. While working at this company, he assumed the triumphant burden of becoming a homeowner. Given that he purchased the house on his own, the mortgage became his sole responsibility. Soon after becoming a solo homeowner, he was diagnosed with cancer in 2022. Thankfully, he survived this after taking some medical leave from his job, changing around his lifestyle dramatically, and receiving targeted radiation therapy to treat the cancer. 

But in 2024 while regaining his equilibrium after recently beating a potentially lethal form of cancer, Kevin’s boss at his tech company laid him off based on job performance. Knowing full well that Kevin had recently survived cancer.

As a friend, I watched Kevin hit a low, but he eventually regained his confidence. After receiving unemployment for over a year and dwindling down his savings to cover both his medical bills and his homeowner costs, he miraculously found another remote job in tech doing similar work. His spirit came back when I would visit him. He had the spark in his eyes that I once knew very well. His purpose and motivation had been restored, and he felt as though he could resume the very job duties he was trained to do by his former employer. 

Until suddenly, Kevin sent me the dreaded text in early 2026 letting me know that he had been laid off again after only working at this new company for four months.

Now, Kevin has leased out his house and moved back to his home state to take an in-person job that is close to his current residence… It’s also his parents’ home. To make his new job work, he has chosen to move back in with his parents as this is economically the most feasible option. As his “off the clock” therapist friend, I was happy to be there for Kevin while he processed the existential dread of moving back in with his parents in his early 30’s. 

Kevin is truly one of the smartest and hardworking people I have ever known in my life. He is both very kind and highly intelligent. (Which is a rare combination these days, it seems!). AND Kevin’s series of unfortunate events he has experienced in the past two years is sadly what so many kind and hardworking people who have worked in tech are now experiencing given the massive layoffs in recent years. So many cerebral, engineer-minded, and high-achieving people got “taken in” when the tech industry was booming pre-COVID, but so many of these employees have been spit out at an alarming rate as their jobs got usurped by AI.

The layoffs that the Fortune 500 CEO’s propel and mandate in an inhumane fashion have a truly human impact. This interview is my way as a psychotherapist to lean into that human reality of job loss that so many are facing in the tech industry. This will also hopefully shed light on the ways in which someone has been not only impacted by the tech layoffs, but also the means in which they used to survive.

***Disclaimer: Kevin is not my client nor has he ever been my client.*** 

Q: Thank you so much for doing this interview, Kevin! Firstly, may I ask why you chose to remain anonymous for this interview? 

A: A few reasons. This new job I have is a contract, and there is no guarantee that it will be permanent. I hope this helps people and gives insight into the lives of people living in similar situations. Simultaneously, I am in a vulnerable state given that I have recently started a new job. And sadly, people have preconceived notions of capabilities regarding people with illnesses.

Q: Since you have now survived two layoffs from large tech corporations, how has this overall impacted your mental health? And your physical health?

A: Overall negative, and yet overall positive. I didn’t know I was capable of sitting through so many interviews at one time. Oppositely, it was very stressful because I lost my health insurance to cover my medical bills. I also had a mortgage to cover monthly. I made sure to go on walks every day to maintain a certain level of sanity. I realized through it all that I had a lot of perseverance and capacity to learn if given a pathway that is actually clear and has tangible goals laid out. 

Q: What was it like being laid off for performance-based reasons by your boss who knew that you had recently survived cancer?

A: It felt hopeless. I was given tasks that they knew I didn’t know how to do, but they also didn’t know how to do them. I was trying to collaborate with other employees to complete these tasks. It didn’t feel like just my performance, but the blame was placed upon me for others’ bad performance for not showing up when I needed their help. It was a very cutthroat environment that wasn’t keen on allowing mistakes during a point in time where you are supposed to be learning. I was told a year before my being laid off that I was a top performer, and they gave me stretch goals so that I could eventually get visibility from “the top”. It somehow flipped around within a year from being a top level performer to being at the bottom. All this time, the manager who laid me off knew I was going through cancer treatment. When I was done with my surgery and radiation, I was getting used to being on new medication that disrupted my sleep. After all of this, I was in shock when I got let go. Before being let go, I didn’t get much of a chance to recover after my expectations as an employee were set so high. 

Q: How has it been to have to rethink your entire identity as someone who has worked in tech for nearly a decade?

A: It’s been a lot of hills and valleys. I have discovered how much I can learn on my own. Ironically, AI has helped with this. But at the same time, it has almost made me think that if AI can help so much, where does that leave me long term? What I wish is that there would be more innovative ideas that can be executed with technology now at a much cheaper price instead of how it’s been done. It seems like they are just doing the same thing, not innovating. But instead, slapping AI onto anything. It really doesn’t improve the products for anyone and ultimately makes it more expensive. It also annoys me because I could be making these things, but I do not have the power to make these decisions. I’m not in the same room as the decision makers who decide what a new product could be. This has made me question whether or not I want to stay in tech or make the expensive choice to go back to school.

Q: While surviving the cancer, the multiple layoffs, and being a homeowner, what can you say were your other strengths that got you through those polarizing times?

A: I developed more empathy for people who have gone through job loss. I no longer look at them as if they were not putting in the effort. It takes a lot of energy to constantly apply and get rejected, especially in times like these. Sometimes it feels like you have to make an entirely new version of yourself tailored to that job and company you are applying to. This is no easy feat for someone faced with a mortgage and going through health struggles. You really don’t know what other people are going through. Not only from the applicants’ perspective but also from the hiring team. This has all taught me to treat people with as much kindness as you can.  

Q: What has moving back in with your parents been like as an educated person?

A: Definitely something I did not plan for, nor do a lot of people in my position plan for! Almost a third of people in my age range have lived with their parents as adults. It feels a bit infantilizing because I have bought a house on my own. I had to find a way to keep my income coming in positively with the burden of a monthly mortgage. I had to move to my home state for a job and  rent my house out to someone. Overall, it feels ambivalent. Partly, it feels like I have been away for so long, and it feels nice to see my parents again. At the same time, I feel like I lost a bit of my independence and feeling of being able to do whatever I want when I want as an adult and form a life of my own instead of one that is entangled with my parents. I have known other people who have gone through similar things. Additionally, It doesn’t feel like we should have to move across the country into our parents’ homes when my job could be done remotely (and just as well). 

Q: Given all that you have gone through since being laid off your first time, what meaning can you make of the last few years of your life?

A: I haven’t really thought about this! I would hope that it symbolizes a fresh start and new beginnings. It may also mean an end to the “old way” and hopefully a start to a new way of coding. This “new way” would allow for more intelligent and sophisticated products that would provide people better insight into their own lives (and also access things easier). Hopefully, it makes things more accessible and cheaper versus remaining exclusive to a certain subset of the population. 

Q: How have you noticed other colleagues who have been laid off from either company handling their job loss? Have they adjusted well?

A: We all have recognized in each other that this is challenging. We have tried to support each other in ways that would have otherwise been unconventional. Not only was I looking for employment, but I would ask people who also got laid off what tools they used to look for jobs. I would sometimes call up friends if I had a tech question to see if we could help each other. I have found myself being more inquisitive of what people are doing because it helps to be aware of all of the changes without being overwhelmed by each and every tiny update. Oppositely, remaining curious about how software is changing can also feel like paranoia of being left behind due to lack of being updated by new technology.

Q: Are there any words of hope or encouragement you would give to anyone who is facing a similar situation that you have faced?

A: I would say to not be afraid to reach out to people who know and love you. Because they will definitely want to help support you. Also, don’t be afraid to be that for someone else. 

Q: Any final thoughts on your experiences of working in tech, and the aftermath it has had on you?

A: Sometimes it is not always the first one to the newest innovation, but the second one to improve upon and make it a product people truly love (example being Apple). And that it is okay to take your time instead of rushing into releasing a product. Not everyone knows you’re using the latest model, but they will know if your product works or not. Sometimes, first impressions are everything.